Help me read description !!! lifes not worth living?

Well i got with this girl zoe first proper gf and coz i havnt had mutch luck with girls i thought i could do anything while i was with her so i was a nob and she finshed me but she first proper gf i have been cutting myself ever since shes all i want help me pleasee my life is crap without her it aint worth anything without zoeee why do i have 2 be a bellend